


Saving Detective Ryan

by TheSacredFandomTexts



Category: Castle
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-11 20:35:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9018244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSacredFandomTexts/pseuds/TheSacredFandomTexts
Summary: Rysposito Secret Santa Fic Exchange Prompt #2: Bobby S. comes back for revenge. Ryan!whump and worried/protective!javi please!!!





	1. Prologue + Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Set 6 months after Sarah Grace is born)

** **

**Prologue**

 

Beckett blindly reached out for her phone as the incessant ringing brought her out of a peaceful dream that had starred both her and Castle and some very suggestive material not at all appropriate for children.

 

“Beckett, turn it off.” Castle said, the grogginess of sleep making his speech slurred and almost incoherent.

 

Beckett turned the bedside lamp on and snatched her phone before it could make another sound. “Beckett.” She said, trying to sound more awake than she actually was and failing miserably.

 

“Kate.” Esposito’s voice sounded from the other end.

 

Beckett immediately sat up straight. Aside from the fact that Esposito almost  _ never _ called her Kate, his voice sounded scared and shaky, on the verge of panic.

 

“Javi, what’s wrong?” Beckett said, effectively waking Castle up enough to be in on the conversation. He sat up as well and wiped his tired eyes.

 

“Kate, what’s going on?” Castle whispered.

 

Instead of answering, Beckett listened to Esposito as he tried to pull it together long enough to talk again.

 

“We...we’ve got a body.”

 

Obviously it wasn’t just  _ any _ body, considering his voice was still shaking. She waited patiently.

 

“Uh...they just found her about thirty minutes ago. L-lanie called me when she saw who…” He trailed off and Kate knew this wasn’t just a big case, but someone Esposito knew personally.

 

“Javi,” She said softly. “Who is it?”

  
When Esposito answered, Beckett could hear the definite signs of tears. “Um...it’s…” But she wasn’t prepared for what he said next. “Oh, God, Kate.” He swallowed. “It’s Jenny.”

 

**Chapter 1**

Ryan stared at himself in the mirror as he fastened the buttons on his suit coat. He wasn’t crying. He just felt numb. Like his entire purpose for being was completely nonexistent.

The distant sound of the doorbell ringing put a stop to the self destruction beginning in the back of his brain and he left the bathroom to open the front door.

His friends stood on the other end, looking about the same as Ryan did. Ryan glanced up at the overcast sky and couldn’t help but feel like it was fitting for today. He said nothing and instead stepped aside to let his partners and Castle into the house.

“You ready?” Esposito asked in a low voice.

Ryan merely nodded and grabbed his wallet and keys.

“Is your mom bringing Sarah?”

Another nod.

Esposito took a second to look at his partner who was keeping his eyes on the ground. “Let’s get going.” He said softly, putting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

Ryan lifted his head, his big blue puppy dog eyes breaking Esposito’s heart more than it already was.

“Let’s go, bro.” He said, moving his arm around Ryan’s shoulders and leading him out the door.

Beckett and Castle followed after Beckett made sure the door was locked, and the four of them made their way to the cemetery.

About halfway through the service, the rain started falling and a number of umbrellas were immediately opened. Esposito shared his with Ryan who had kept that dead look the entire time they were there and hadn’t even noticed the rain or had an umbrella handy.

Everyone had been given a rose to place on the coffin right before it was lowered. Ryan hesitated with his rose hovering over the intricate coffin. He swallowed and stared at it, as if dropping it was going to make everything official. That after that one gesture, it became real.

He felt a gloved hand close over his fingers and looked over to see Esposito holding the rose with him.

“Let go, Kev.” Esposito said.

Ryan held Esposito’s gaze for only a second before turning his attention back to the rose. Together they opened their hands and the rose fell.

Ryan took a shaky breath and felt the tears well up. The coffin was lowered slowly, but Ryan couldn’t hold himself together anymore. The first few tears started and then the dam broke. He was fairly silent, but he couldn’t see anything and he felt as though his head were about to explode.

And that was it.

As the people began to disperse, Ryan remained where he was, the salty tears still finding their way down his face and dripping off his chin. He felt the wind begin to slap rain in his face, but he never moved. He felt as though, if he did move, he would shatter. Completely break down in the middle of the cemetery. Standing still was good. It kept him grounded. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and immediately knew it was Esposito. Who else could it be?

“Are you… are you going to be okay?” Esposito asked hesitantly.

Ryan kept his eyes forward. “I don’t think so.” He said truthfully.

“Kevin.” Esposito pulled on Ryan’s shoulder to get him to turn around. But when he did, one look into his partner’s eyes told him Ryan wasn’t going to be fine. Not soon, anyway. “God, Kev. I-”

“Don’t.” Ryan said softly. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I can’t…” More tears rained down his cheeks. “I feel like I can’t breathe most of the time. How am I supposed to do this without her? How am I supposed to raise Sarah alone? I don’t know what to do, Javi.” He felt himself become more hysterical as he spoke. “I don’t know how to keep going. I come home every night and her stuff is still there and I know she’s never coming home!” The wall holding his emotions back exploded. “S-sarah will scream and I don’t know how to calm her! She’s gonna grow up without her m-mother and I’m the m-most inadequate father in the world! W-we had already planned what we were gonna do for her f-first birthday! I c-can’t do it, Javi! I c-can’t breathe!”

Esposito tossed the umbrella to the side and gathered Kevin into his arms, the rain soaking both of them within seconds. He said nothing. He didn’t have to. Ryan needed a shoulder to cry on, and dammit if Esposito wasn’t the best man for the job.

“I c-can’t do it, J-javi. I c-can’t…”

“Shhhh.” Esposito soothed, rocking back and forth a little. “You don’t have to do it alone, Kev. You’re never alone. I am always gonna be right here. Till the wheels fall off, remember?”

Ryan sniffled and let out another sob. He’d kept his arms huddled close to him as his partner’s arms held him securely in a loving protective embrace. He let Esposito rock him back and forth for a little while, taking comfort in the movement and trying to focus on that instead of the voice in his head that reminded him of his grief.

After a while, once Ryan’s breathing slowed to normal, Esposito took a step back and bent his head to try and get Ryan to look up. His attempts were successful after a couple seconds and the grief-stricken face of his partner looked him in the eye. The fact that he was soaking wet made everything that much worse.

“You can breathe now?” Esposito asked softly.

Ryan sniffed and gave a nod.

Esposito hesitated, trying to find words that would help. “We’ll…” He paused. “We’ll find who did this.”

“You’ve been looking for a week.” Ryan replied, looking back down at the ground and squeezing his eyes shut.

“And I’m not gonna stop.” Esposito said. “I swear I will never stop.”

“The case is getting colder by the second.” Ryan’s voice sounded defeated.

“Kevin, don’t ever give up. Look at me.”

Ryan slowly lifted his eyes to his partner’s again.

“Do not give up. We will find who did this and we will make sure they pay for it.”

Ryan swallowed. “That won’t bring her back.” He said, his voice cracking.

Esposito pulled him back into a hug and held tight. “I know.” He whispered. “And I know there’s nothing I can say or do that can fix it. And I’m sorry.”

Ryan sniffed and continued to cry into Esposito’s shoulder, clinging to him like a lifeline.

After a minute, Esposito pulled away. “Okay.” He said, putting a hand on Ryan’s arm and moving it up and down in a soothing manner. “You wanna go to Castle’s?”

Castle had graciously offered to allow everyone into his home after the service so Ryan didn’t have to worry about it, which Ryan would be forever grateful for.

“I guess I should.” He said.

Esposito picked up the umbrella. “You don’t have to, Kevin. We’ll all understand if this is something you can’t handle.”

Ryan took a deep breath. “No, I can do it. I’ll be fine. I just had a moment of…” In all honesty, Ryan had no idea what it was. Hysteria? Psychosis?

**  
“Yeah.” Esposito said, proving once again that he was the best friend a person could have. He put his arm around Ryan’s shoulders and walked with him to the car, doing his best to hold them both up.**


	2. Chapter 2

“Dammit!” Esposito said loudly, slamming his phone down hard enough that he was fairly certain he was going to have to ask Beckett for a new one. He sighed and put his face in his hands, trying to keep himself from throwing everything off his desk in a rage.

 

“Dead end?” Beckett asked.

 

“Of course it’s a dead end.” Esposito replied, his face still in his hands, making his voice muffled. “Everything is a dead end. It’s been two weeks and the only thing I find are dead ends.”

 

Beckett pulled up her chair and sat down slowly. “Maybe… maybe it’s time to put this one on the back burner.”

 

Esposito finally turned to look at her. He didn’t say a word, but the look on his face was enough.

 

“I’m just saying after two weeks without a single lead, it might be time to put the case to rest.”

 

Esposito cleared his throat and looked back at his computer. “Do you want to tell Ryan that or should I?”

 

Of course she didn’t, and of course she didn’t want to give up on the case. So instead of furthering that conversation, she shifted it. “How is he?”

 

“I don’t know.” Esposito replied, clicking through pages on his computer and filling a few things out. “He won’t see anyone. He’s shut up in his apartment and sometimes he won’t even answer my texts.”

 

“So it’s safe to assume he’s not doing well.”

 

“You think?” Esposito winced at how harsh it sounded and turned to Beckett. “Sorry. I guess I’m not doing that great either.”

 

“This is why I didn’t think we should take the case. But I also knew there was no way we wouldn’t.” She reached out and played with one of the trinkets on his desk. “This is so… fucked up.”

 

“Even more so because I can’t figure out who the hell would do this.”

 

“You’ve looked into Ryan’s past arrests?” She asked. “Anyone with a grudge?”

 

“Are you serious?” Esposito asked. “That’s the first thing I did. Anyone with that much of a grudge is either still in jail or would be after all of us.”

 

“Any enemies of Jenny?”

 

“Please, Jenny is a walking ray of sunshine.” He stopped but couldn’t bring himself to say “was”.

 

After a minute, Beckett spoke again. “Okay.” She said softly. “Let’s give it another week.”

 

Esposito nodded, but was terrified another week wasn’t going to change a thing.

 

~.~.~

 

Esposito got in late. Again. He couldn’t remember a day when he hadn’t come home late the entire two weeks he’d been working on this case. But he was determined to see this through. It took Beckett years to find her mother’s killer, so if it took him years to find Jenny’s, he would willingly come home late every day until then.

 

But two weeks of very little sleep was not agreeing with him at all and he could barely keep his eyes open as he shuffled through his apartment, first to find food and then fall asleep for as long as his alarm clock would let him.

 

He slumped on the couch with a slice of cold pizza he couldn’t even find the energy to warm up and turned on the tv, not completely sure what the show was about but with zero desire to channel surf.

 

The next thing he knew, he was being pulled from sleep by the sound of his phone going off. He squinted at the phone through his sleepy haze and then answered it immediately when he saw it was his partner.

 

“Hello?” Esposito said, his voice groggy.

 

“Javi?” Ryan said from the other end.

 

“Yeah, man, what’s up?” Esposito sat up and tried to wake himself up a little to make at least some coherent sense.

 

“Javi, I don’t know what to do.” Ryan’s voice sounded helpless and it brought Esposito to full consciousness.

 

“Kev, what’s wrong?”

 

“S-she won’t stop crying.” Ryan said, his voice quavering. “I-I’ve tried everything and she won’t stop. I don’t think she’s sick, she doesn’t have a fever or anything, she just won’t stop and the house is a mess and I tried to call Castle because he knows how to take care of a kid and-”

 

“Okay, woah, slow down.” Esposito cut him off. “I’ll be there in five minutes, just hold on til I get there.”

 

“...thanks.” He said softly.

 

Esposito hung the phone up and quickly put on his coat and shoes. He grabbed his wallet and keys and was out the door in a flash. Esposito didn’t have kids, nor did he have experience with them, but there had to be something he could do. Castle was of course the better choice, being the only one who had done the kid thing, but it wasn’t like Esposito was completely useless.

 

As promised, it took about five minutes for him to get to Ryan’s apartment and he hadn’t even knocked three times before the door swung open and a very tired Ryan stood there looking a bit like he’d been hit by a bus. The sounds of a baby screaming behind him made him flinch and Esposito stepped inside.

 

“You look-”

 

“I look like a shit parent is what I look like.” Ryan said. His eyes were bloodshot, indicating fatigue, and he looked like he hadn’t shaved or showered the entire week. “I can’t do this, Javi. I can’t take care of a kid. Neither of us have had any sleep all week, the place is a mess. Social Services is gonna show up, take one look at my apartment, and take Sarah away from me. I can’t do it. I can’t be a dad.”

 

“Ryan.”

 

“What?”

 

“Sit down.”

 

Ryan held Esposito’s gaze for a while before slumping on the couch.

 

“I’m gonna go get Sarah, see what I can do. You should go take a shower or something and then get some sleep.”

 

“Javi-”

 

“You asked for help and help has arrived. I can take care of a kid. Everything is under control, so stop worrying. And please dear god take a shower because I wouldn’t be able to call myself your friend if I let you go any longer smelling like a dead body. Go. I got this.”

 

Ryan gave a half smile. “Are you sure?”

 

“Get your ass in the shower, Ryan.”

 

Ryan held his hands up in surrender before standing and heading over to the bathroom.

 

Esposito took a deep breath and stepped into Sarah Grace’s room. She was standing in her crib looking like she’d been crying for a good two hours.

 

“Hey, sweetheart.” Esposito said, pulling her out of the crib and settling her on his hip. “What’s all the screamin’ about, huh? You know, it ain’t healthy to cry that much. You’ll get a headache.”

 

Sarah was sniffling as she obviously was trying to stop the sobs of whatever crisis she was going through. And, as a baby, there were many things that could be bothering her. The first thing Esposito noted was the diaper.

 

“Well, why don’t we fix that, huh?” He carried her out to the living room and detected a diaper bag in the corner.

 

Once a fresh diaper had been put on, he tried to put her down which of course made her scream, so the two of them made a trip to the kitchen to find a bottle and formula.

 

Sarah watched intently as Esposito prepared the bottle one-handed. It was a little difficult, but he got the hang of it, only spilling a little on the counter. Once the bottle was in the microwave, Esposito took the extra time to wipe the tears from Sarah’s face and get a tissue to remove the rest. She didn’t like that at all, but before she could start crying, the bottle was done and she was distracted once again.

 

Esposito tested the formula to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then handed her the bottle which she greedily accepted. She was still getting the hang of holding her own bottle, but once he was sure she wouldn’t drop it, he stuck her in her high chair.

 

“Oh, fuck you.” Ryan’s voice said behind him.

 

Esposito turned around and smiled. “I dunno what you’re talking about, man. Your baby is an angel.”

 

Ryan shook his head and smiled. “Do you know how many attempts I took with the bottle? Seven. I counted, Javi. Seven.”

 

Esposito shrugged. “Guess I got the magic touch.”

 

Ryan sat at the table and stuck his face in his folded arms. “I’m so bad at this.” He moaned.

 

“Nah, man.” Esposito sat as well. “You’re under a lot of stress and having a kid isn’t helping. And I’ve heard kids pick up on stuff like that anyway, so it’s not your fault.”

 

Ryan lifted his head. “I just… I didn’t know how hard this was going to be.”

 

“I know, man. It sucks.” Esposito sighed. “But I’m glad you called me because you obviously needed help and you never let me help you.”

 

Ryan gave a glare that didn’t meet his eyes. “I could kick you out.”

 

Esposito chuckled. “Have you eaten?”

 

“What?”

 

“Food. Have you eaten?”

 

“Um…”

 

Esposito rolled his eyes. “I’ll take that as a no.” He stood. “Okay, I’m gonna order chinese and then Sarah and I are gonna get to work on the living room.”

 

“Well-”

 

“Nope.” Esposito said, picking Sarah up from her high chair. “Daddy is getting a night off. Go sit on the couch, daddy, and wait for your food. We’re gonna work on this mess.”

 

Ryan smiled as he watched the two of them head over to the living room. “You’re sure you don’t want any help?” He called.

 

“Ryan, you so much as pick up a toy, I will smack you over the head.”

 

Ryan believed him.

 

Once the room had been cleaned and the food delivered, Ryan and Esposito sat on the couch sharing their food while Sarah sat on a blanket playing with her toys. They’d tried to turn the tv on, but the noise was apparently annoying to the baby and she was calling the shots. So they sat and watched her play until her eyes started to droop.

 

“Time for bed, little princess.” Esposito said, getting off the couch to pick her up and take her to her room.

 

“I can do it, Javi.” Ryan said from his half-asleep position on the couch.

 

“Stay.” Esposito said to him, like he would a misbehaving puppy. He picked Sarah up off the floor and stepped into her room, expecting somewhat of a fight from the little pink bundle as he set her in her crib. But instead she fell asleep almost instantly.

 

When he returned to the front room, he found Ryan also asleep on the couch, his chest rising and falling slowly and his face looking more peaceful than it had in two weeks.

 

“I guess it’s time for bed for the king too.” Esposito said, laughing softly at his exhausted partner. “Ryan.” He said, trying to shake him awake.

 

Ryan barely moved. He was out for the count.

 

Esposito sighed. He didn’t brag about his arms for nothing.

 

Picking up Ryan from the couch was definitely more difficult than picking up a baby, but it was still doable.

 

Ryan still hardly moved, apparently not realizing he was being carried bridal style by his partner. That, or he didn’t care, but it was more likely that he was so exhausted he’d slipped into a coma-like sleep.

 

Esposito carefully put him on the bed and pulled the covers over him. “Night, Ryan.” He said softly.

  
He walked back out to the front room and sighed. It was past two o’clock in the morning and he really didn’t even want to attempt driving. Plus, the thought of leaving Ryan alone while he was feeling so terrible made him nervous. So instead, he kicked off his shoes, grabbed a blanket, and decided the couch was going to make a great bed for the night.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will be updated every 1-2 weeks and if not it's because life happened. Just know it has an outline and an ending and will not be abandoned I promise :)


End file.
